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The Lovers Who Never Were {Chapter 10}

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Chapter Ten

Months passed since she had last talked to John or any of his “friends”. Caitlin was heartbroken. Summer came and she was now a year older. She became more involved in her church and in other activities so she didn’t have to think about John. Every once in a while she would see his screen name log onto the instant messenger and then immediately leave as soon as she tried to message him. Her heart would soar when she saw him come on; she hoped that he still loved her as she loved him. Caitlin longed to tell him the mishap with Mark, that it was just a misunderstanding, but he never allowed her to talk to him. She had e-mailed him, attaching a copy of the conversation so that he could see everything in context and explain that she had not done anything to hurt him, but hadn’t heard back from him since. It felt like she was going through withdrawal more and more as each day passed.

Caitlin spent a lot of time with Sarah, not wanting to be alone. Saran grew concerned with how withdrawn Caitlin had become, “We need to do something. I don’t like seeing you like this, Cat.” Caitlin smiled meekly and looked at the floor, “It’s ok, Sarah. I’m fine, really.”  Sarah frowned, “No, you’re not. I haven’t seen you smile since that jerk pulled this crap. Here, maybe we can find him and you two can finally talk.” Caitlin looked confused at Sarah’s suggestion. How could she find him if he was avoiding her? “I think that he’s been logging on to see if you’re on, purposely, and then I think he’s blocking you so you won’t talk to him.” Caitlin’s eyes widened, “Why?! Why would he do that to me? I didn’t do anything wrong!” Sarah raised her hands, trying to calm her friend, “I know, I know! I’m just thinking maybe he’s up to something… let’s go to my house and we’ll make you a new screen name to test out my hypothesis…” Caitlin hadn’t known she could do that. “But, won’t he figure out that it’s me?” Sarah shrugged, “It’s worth a try… and it may get you some time to talk to him.” Caitlin nodded as the two began the walk to Sarah’s house.

Upon reaching it, Caitlin felt butterflies in her stomach, hoping that Sarah’s plan would work and that she could straighten out things with John. “I love him so much, Sarah…” she said miserably as the climbed the stairs to Sarah’s room. Inside, Sarah sat at her computer and made up a new screen name for Caitlin. It was near six o’clock when they watched John log online and stay. Caitlin’s heart leapt with joy as she saw John online for more than the usual moment. “Ok, well, here, talk to him…” Caitlin sat a few moments, unable to think of anything to say. She had never lied to John before, so to pretend something that she wasn’t was very difficult.

Windi423: Hello…

jmm1912z: Hello. Do I know you?

Windi423: I don’t think so…

jmm1912z: Well, then how did you get my screen name?

Windi423: I found it on the interests screen. It seems you and I have some things in common.

jmm1912z: Oh? Like what?

Windi423: It seems we like the same music, and some other stuff.

jmm1912z: Ah, ok. Hmm… I feel like you’re keeping something from me…

Windi423: Not really, why do you think that?

jmm1912z: cos things just don’t seem to be adding up’s all

Windi423: Are you single?

jmm1912z: Yes, why?

Windi423:  Really?

jmm1912z: Yes, I am. Are you? How old are you?

Windi423: 17. You?

jmm1912z: 29.

Caitlin’s jaw tightened when she read the words appearing on her screen. He claimed to be single, so things were over with them. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she re-read the lies he told just now.

jmm1912z: Look, I’m just pulling your leg. I am madly in love with a girl and wouldn’t hurt her for the world. I’m also 49 years of age. I’m sorry I pulled a prank on you, but you really shouldn’t go looking for love on the internet; especially since you already have me wrapped around your beautiful fingers, darling…

Caitlin’s mouth dropped open. Somehow he knew it was her, or at least that was what she was assuming after what she had just read. Her heart quickened, hoping that she was assuming right…

jmm1912z: Caitlin, my love, why were you trying to trick me?

Windi423: John, I thought you were avoiding me. OH HOW I MISSED YOU SO!!!! *kisses*

jmm1912z: Oh sweetie, *kiss*, I missed you, too!

Windi423: Why have you been avoiding me? I have been so worried since I was told you were in the hospital. Some guy named Mark messaged me, claiming you told him to, and then he accused me of being a whore and betraying you, which I didn’t and never would!

jmm1912z: I know and I’m so sorry for his behaviour. I was at hospital for a few weeks with pneumonia. I wish I could have gotten a hold of you there, but I hadn’t a computer with me. I do so hope you can forgive me for Mark’s behaviour, dear?

Windi423: Of course I will, you know that! Why have you been avoiding me for so long? It’s been months! It’s now Summer time, here, and I’m afraid I was going through major withdrawal from you. My heart ached so much!

jmm1912z: As did mine! I’m so sorry for avoiding you; I just didn’t know how to face you, darling. I felt horrid about how you were treated by both Mark and Margaret, I just didn’t know if you’d still have me.

Windi423: That’sridiculous! I would never leave your side, John. You’re my soulmate…

jmm1912z: as you are mine <3 I wish I could hear your voice, darling. May I call you?

Caitlin was anxious. She’d never been called by a guy before, let alone someone from another country. She knew that her parents couldn’t be there when he did call. Caitlin bit her lip as she tried to figure out a good time that her parents would be gone and then remembered that currently they were going to a church meeting that would last a few hours. “Sarah, we need to scram to my house!!” Sarah looked up from the book she was reading, “Why?” Caitlin bounced up and down in her seat, “John wants to call!!!” Sarah’s mouth dropped open in surprise, “OH MY GOSH! WE NEED TO GET THERE ASAP!!!” Caitlin returned to the computer.

Windi423: Isn’t it expensive? Will it show up on our phone bill?

jmm1912z: No darling, I will be paying for it and it won’t show up on your bill at all because I’m the one making the
call.

Windi423: Ok, well, let me get back home (I’m on Sarah’s computer) and then you can call. My parents will be
gone so it’ll just be Sarah and me. My number is 549-823-7650. Just give us about 20 minutes and then you can call.

jmm1912z: Of course, love. I cannot wait to hear your sweet voice… I’m quite excited.

Windi423: Me, too  I’m going to go now and head home.
She quickly signed off the computer and grabbed her things. Sarah was all ready to go by the time she was finished and the two girls ran out. Instead of taking the normal way, the girls used a shortcut through the small wooded area between their two separate neighborhoods. Caitlin loved the woods and how peaceful they were. She loved hearing the crunch of dead leaves below her feet from autumns past and the evidence of small forest creatures about. Caitlin even had a secret fort out there that she had built with a good friend she had in elementary school. Walking past, her heart grew heavy as she remembered her old friend.

The girls arrived to the house to hear the phone already ringing. “Geez, were we that slow?” Caitlin asked Sarah as she unlocked the front door. As soon as it opened, she ran to the phone and answered; her heart beating out of her chest in excitement at finally hearing John’s voice. “Hello?” She asked as she lifted the phone. “Caitlin, is that you?” came a gentle, deep, English voice. She felt her heart immediately melt and her legs turn to rubber. They were actually talking. “Yes, is this… John?” Sarah closed the door quietly and sat down beside Caitlin on the couch, “What does he sound like?!” she asked, almost jumping out of her skin. A deep, smooth laugh came in reply as she began to blush, “Oh my, darling, you sound so beautiful. I love your voice, I truly do.” Caitlin smiled so wide it felt like her face would break in half, “I love yours, too, John.” Sarah beckoned to have the phone put on speaker phone so she could hear him, too.

Caitlin turned the speaker phone on, “Darling, please tell me you love me…” he said then. Sarah covered her mouth, her eyes wide with excitement; she mouthed “OH MY GOSH! HE SOUNDS SO HOT!!!!” Caitlin laughed silently and mouthed back, “I KNOW, RIGHT?!!!” Both girls were ready to burst out in giggles as Caitlin tried to keep her composure. “I love you so much, John. This feels so surreal to me, talking to you like this! I wish we could do this all the time…” John laughed a little, “I know sweet girl, but alas, we cannot. For now our love must remain quiet until you’re older. Until then, we will have our secret liaisons whenever possible. You need only e-mail me or message me and let me know that you’re alone.” Caitlin felt elated, though part of her was sad that she didn’t have that freedom to call and talk to him whenever she wanted or needed to. “Oh darling, how I wish you were here with me. I would run my fingers through your long brown hair. Tell me, is it up or down today?” Caitlin smiled, “I have it in a ponytail.” John laughed, “I bet you look simply adorable! Is Sarah still with you?” Caitlin looked at Sarah who still seemed to be ready to jump out of her skin at any moment.  “Yes, she is. You can say hi to her if you like, I have you on speakerphone.”

John sighed, “Darn, I guess I cannot be naughty with you, then, now can I? Hello, Sarah. It’s a pleasure to speak to you.” Sarah held in a scream as she jumped up and down. Caitlin laughed silently, “You are allowed to speak to him, Sarah, you know. Sorry John, she’s too busy going bananas at the sound of your voice.” John laughed, “Oh dear, is it really that bad?” Sarah got hold of her bearings and replied “Oh no, quite the contrary, actually. I’ve just never talked to someone in England before!” Caitlin smiled, feeling as if she had her own small family now that knew her secret. It was times like these that she felt somewhat normal and not someone with a horribly deep secret. “Caitlin, I’m afraid I must leave soon, it’s getting quite late and I still have work to finish before I close. I love you, my darling. Please keep smiling for me, ok?” Caitlin smiled, “You know I will, especially when I think of you. I love you too, my love.” John hung up when she did, and both girls squealed with delight.

“Cat, he sounds so handsome! Oh my gosh… I am so jealous!!! You need to ask if he has any single friends he’d be interested in hooking up with an American chick.” Caitlin laughed as Sarah grabbed the tv remote and began making herself at home. John’s voice was what dreams were made of. Never had Caitlin imagined dating anyone, much less someone with such a voice! She was a very big music buff, always in the chorus programs at school; a good voice was something that attracted her to others. “Have you seen his picture yet?” Sarah asked as Caitlin fingered through a magazine, “Not yet, I haven’t. Though, I haven’t asked, either.” Sarah bit her lip as she continued flipping through the hundreds of stations on the tv, “Think I could spend the night tonight?” She asked. Caitlin nodded, “I cannot see why you couldn’t. I’ll just run it by mom when they get home. Why?” Sarah smiled, “Maybe tonight we should ask if we can see a photo of him!” Excitement bubbled up inside of Caitlin, thinking of possibly seeing the man behind the voice. “You know what, I don’t see why we couldn’t; I’m going to ask!”

Caitlin’s parents returned home and Sarah was allowed to spend the night. The girls were both excited to see what John looked like. Caitlin knew he had brown hair and brown eyes, but that was it. “I wonder if he’ll look like Darcy…” she laughed as she pawed through her copy of “Pride and Prejudice”, one of her favorite novels. Sarah laughed, “Oh you! You’re too much a romantic, Cat. Anyway, he’s got to be handsome if he’s got that voice; I mean, I haven’t met a guy yet who had a handsome voice and an ugly face.” Sarah laughed as she got out her notebook and began writing, “You know, we should turn our little story into a novel…” Caitlin looked up, “Really? That would be pretty cool.” Both girls had been writing back and forth in a notebook a story of sorts that mimicked their lives. Caitlin had described her and John’s relationship in extreme detail, even going further to plan the future she hoped that they’d have. “I think I’ll start typing it up and then you can add in to it as well, if you like. Of course, we’ll still pass the notebook back and forth; I’m just thinking of also having a nicer copy on hand?”

Caitlin nodded. She looked through her book shelves and found an old Lisa Frank trapper keeper. “We can put it in here if you like, it’s huge!” Sarah took the trapper keeper from Caitlin and laughed, “Oh my gosh, look at these pictures of Jonathon Brandis! Ha, ha! I need to put some pictures in of the Backstreet Boys, too, so it’s evened out.” Caitlin grimaced, “You mean you’re going to put in pictures of Nick Carter, who are you kidding?” She laughed as she picked up some of the stuff on the floor of her bedroom. “Shall we go back to your house to grab some things for tonight?” Caitlin asked as she finished up picking up the floor. Sarah nodded and closed the notebook, hiding it under Caitlin’s pillow so that no one would stumble across it. “Ugh! Six o’clock cannot come soon enough!” she grumbled as the girls headed out back to Sarah’s house to get stuff for the evening’s events.

The girls spent time playing video games and writing, hoping the time would pass. It felt, though, that the time was going slower as they constantly eyed the clock on the wall of the dining room. “Twenty minutes ‘til six!” Sarah cried as Caitlin looked up from the book she was reading. Her heart pounded, “Let’s go on now, maybe he’ll come on earlier?” Sarah nodded and turned off the video game she was playing. Both girls ran to the guest room/office and sat down behind the computer. Caitlin turned it on and signed onto her messenger as the two began the waiting game for John to appear. The wait was not in vain as John came on ten minutes later.

jmm1912z: Hello darling, I’ve missed you today. How are you doing?

catipher: Wonderful  You?

jmm1912z: The same old grind, I’m afraid; thought it was such a pleasure to talk to you on the phone. Your voice
sounds so sweet, so pure. I fear I may have fell harder in love with you after that, you silly girl.

Caitlin felt giddy inside as she remembered the short conversation that had passed between them earlier in the afternoon. His voice still spoke in her head, over and over, and she felt her legs turn to rubber.

catipher: I’m afraid I have that same problem ;)

jmm1912z: LOL! I’m truly sorry, sweetheart. Is it best for me to not call again? I don’t want to cause any more problems for you 

catipher: You better not stop!! I loved hearing your voice  Oh, by the way, I was wondering if I could ask a favor
from you?

jmm1912z: Anything, if I can do it for you, I will.

catipher: I want to see a picture of you 

jmm1912z: Are you sure I haven’t already sent you one, darling?

catipher: Nope! I have never seen any pictures of you. I would love to, though, so I can put a beautiful face to that voice of yours.

jmm1912z: I fear you will be sorely disappointed, for I look like at roll. ;)  Your wish is my command, though, so here goes. Please don’t be too hard on me ;)
His picture appeared on her screen; her heard soared. He was truly the most handsome man she had ever seen. John was standing next to a chimney with his right arm resting on the top ledge. He wore a long-sleeved button-down white shirt and dark gray dress pants with brown leather shoes. Judging from the photograph, Caitlin gathered he was quite tall, which set her heart beating even faster because she always loved taller men.

catipher: How tall are you, John?

jmm1912z: After viewing my photo that’sall you have to say? Well, I guess I got off easy then. Anyway, I’m six foot five inches. Is that too tall?

catipher: Of course not! It’s perfect. John, you are truly very handsome. Sarah and I are speechless.

jmm1912z: Oh? Sarah is there with you? Well hello there, Sarah!

catipher: She says hello  Oh John, you are magnificent.

jmm1912z: Darling, thank you. You, however, put the prettiest flowers to shame ;)

Caitlin blushed. He truly was her personal Darcy after all. “Sarah, I wish I could tell others about John. What I feel for him is indescribable. He’s truly amazing. I cannot believe he’d be interested in someone like me…” Sarah looked at her, “Why wouldn’t he be? You’re such a sweetheart, Cat.” Caitlin nodded, “That doesn’t matter. People like and love others for their looks, and I haven’t got any. I’m too fat. No one’s ever wanted to be my boyfriend because of that. I always get told ‘Let’s just be friends first and then when I’m single I’ll consider dating you.’ Kind of crap and it just… hurts.” Sarah put her arm around Caitlin’s shoulder, “You’re an amazing person, Cat. What’s even more special about this is that it seems that John is in love with you for who you are on the inside. He’s seen only one photo of you, talked to you on the phone only once, and still seems to worship the ground you walk on. He loves you for who you are, dear. That’sa rare find for anyone.” Caitlin smiled, never really thinking about how rare it was that their love had stemmed from immaterial roots; it warmed her heart.

jmm1912z: Darling, I want to call you again.

catipher: You cannot right now  my parents are home. I’m sorry, love.

jmm1912z: Any idea when I would be able to hear your beautiful voice again? It’s driving me mad! I know we must play
it safe, though, so neither of us get in trouble. I wish I could just call you whenever I wanted and that you could do
the same…

catipher: Me too. You have no idea what it meant to me to hear your voice today. I cannot even put it into words. You
need to come to America; that would make things so much easier.

jmm1912z: Oh honey, that’shilarious! I wish I could, too, but I cannot leave my work… and I have a fear of flying 

catipher: Really? Why?

jmm1912z: I don’t know, really. It’s always been there. I’ve never flown a day in my life and I fear I never will.

catipher: Not even to see me? Pleeeeeease?

jmm1912z: Hmmm… and what will happen if I come to see you? The police would be called and I would be hauled off to jail. Darling, we cannot risk that yet. Someday, though, I will make the journey to find you, and then marry you. I love you, Caitlin.

John wanted to marry her. She never thought she’d marry because of how she looked. No one ever seemed to be interested in her romantically, so the idea seemed a distant dream. She read the words over and over again. “Cat, do you see this? I think he’s trying to take things to another level with you. Oh my gosh, if you two get married, you have to let me in be your maid of honor!” Sarah bounced up and down on the seat beside Caitlin. She laughed, “That’sa long ways off, don’t you think?” Sarah frowned, “Don’t rain on my parade, Cat! Allow me to daydream…” Caitlin nodded, a smile lighting up her face.

jmm1912z: Have I offended you, Caitlin? Oh, I shouldn’t have mentioned marriage yet. Did I scare you off? I was just letting you know what I had hoped our future would hold for us, darling. That’sall. If you don’t want to marry an old troll like me, I do understand.

catipher: Oh, no, no! That’snot it at all! I am very flattered that you would like to marry me. I’m sorry I was slow to respond, it’s just, I never thought anyone would want to marry me down the line. You see, no one’s ever been interested in me. I’m not pretty.

jmm1912z: Quite the contrary. You’re beautiful darling.
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